The Sea-nic route Back to Self

​​I don't know what it is, but being out on the open sea always calms my mind and spirit. Perhaps it's the sheer vastness and power of the ocean that snaps things back into perspective. Or the water's endless ups and downs that can so thoroughly mirror our lives. We know so little about what lies below the surface, and there was a time when I felt the same about myself.

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They say "you can't pour from an empty cup" — I don't know who "they" are, but ​I've lived long enough to know "they" are right. I'm a recovering people-pleaser, and as other people-pleasers can tell you, after years of watching others consume and take advantage of our giving, at some point, we become unable to give even one ounce more.

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In a nutshell, that's how I'd describe my marriage. One overgiver, one overtaker. Our seven years together didn't start that way, but grew into a toxic situation where I was profoundly mistreated, emotionally bruised, and deeply depressed. My cup wasn't just empty, it was broken.

I'd say it was a mistake, but with the gentleness of time, the shoulders of friends, and the insight of a therapist, I can now look back, parse through the worst of it, and find gratitude for the lessons that experience presented to me. Of course, they're only lessons if we choose to examine and learn. I chose to address what put me in that situation, and decided it would be a catalyst to turn my life around. 

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Several months after the paperwork was signed and I had settled into my new home, my small business was scheduled to have a minor remodel. I decided to close the shop completely for those two weeks and take myself on vacation. I chose an Eastern Caribbean cruise for two main reasons: 1.) I found a pretty amazing last-minute deal for an 8-day cruise in a balcony cabin; and 2.) When you want them to, cruises only require you to show up, and that's about all the effort I could muster at the time.

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It couldn't have been easier: I flew into Miami and a minibus took me and a few others from the airport to the cruise terminal. Check-in took about 10 minutes, and then I was off to find my cabin.

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The itinerary included stops in the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Kitts & Nevis, and the cruise line's private island. There were many excursions to choose from, and I stuck with easy beach days to give the sun a direct path back into my spirit. I caught a few of the ship's live productions, enjoyed 24/7 access to dessert, took photos and wrote notes to myself, and found a lot of peace out on my balcony. I honestly don't remember much more about this trip, and that's okay. A clear separation between my previous life and my future life is what I needed most, and this cruise delivered in spades.​​

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A little space, a little sunshine, a little saltwater, and I began to remember who I was long before I had morphed into someone I didn't recognize. I started mapping out the kind of person I wanted to be, then did the hard work to make it a reality. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm getting there. Life is joyful again, my friends are the best around, business is booming, I'm traveling far and often again, and I'm happier today than I've ever been. Like ever. My cup is full once more, and I freely and generously pour out as others pour in.
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So, would I recommend a post-breakup cruise, vacation, or party of some sort? Absolutely. Call it a Breakup Beach Bash! Freedomfest! The End of an Error Ex-travaganza! A Just-Me Jubilee! An Unhitched Holiday! A Splitsville Soiree! An Over-You BBQ! (I could go on and on ... My silliness and humor are back, too.) We can't control the wind, but we can adjust our sails. We can decide to chart a new course anytime we want. And I'm telling you: You deserve joyful journeys that not only restore an empty cup, but also help you refill it. 

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A FEW OF MY PHOTOS: